Kara-age festival

This is how popular kara-age is in this town..
:)

Harvest season

Finally weekend

Finally weekend~~

It feels like I have worked for 2 weeks straight without any break. This is the best time to take a good rest and relax!

It's raining hard outside, so it's also good to stay at home, read books and watch DVDs.

Statistics is very difficult, but seems to be an interesting, useful tool. I want to study it practically and analysis a lot of data we have. I'll do my best to improve myself, wherever I am, with what I have.

Studying new things makes me active and assertive. Every time when I learn something new, I feel satisfied and want to know more about it. When my boss told me that he wanted me to study data analysis, I didn't find it interesting because statistics requires very difficult mathematics. But now, I'm started liking it. It gives me a lot of new ideas how to interpret the data and the numbers in a meaningful way. Besides, statistics is necessary for most scientists, so it's worth spending some time on trying to get used to it.

One of my dreams: I search my name on the Internet and find the papers I published!

Good quote found today: Time is not money; time is life. So spend it wisely.

でも

絶望してる暇はない、かな…。これについて誰かと話したい…………

脱力感………
これは、今までに味わったことのない感情。

やばいな〜〜ただでさえ体力ないのに気力まで失ったら立ち上がれなくなってしまう…せめてあと一日、落ち込むのは待たなくちゃ。

何かやり遂げたい、その思いが支えになってたけど、それが重要視されないってなんなの？ 平和だなあといってしまえばそれまでだし、恵まれてるしそれ以上望むのはわがままかもしれないけど、でも、と思う。

じゃ何か行動しろよって話ね。文句言うだけだったり、何かしたいんだけどできない言い訳して満足してる人を見てるともどかしい、今自分に関してそういう状況。虎視眈々と好機を狙っているけど、それが可能性のある賭けなのか分からないし、待てない！ 今すぐ行きたい！！！

Why then why?

I don't see the point of everything. They all knew that I wasn't suitable and pretended to be welcoming?

It's very cruel to tell me that now when it's too late. OK if you say what you are supposed to say, I should take the advantage of it.

Indeed it was my decision but the available information was very limited at that time. I didn't know what it's like..
Did I make a bad decision? It's too hard to ask and it's already so complicated to get it right. But I must try. I must go back to the right track as soon as possible.

So shocked!!!!!!

I really fly to Australia NOW!!!! Say goodbye to everything, and just go. I feel so stupid, empty, and frustrated. Why didn't you all just tell me beforehand!!!??? Why couldn't you kindly encourage me to reconsider??? And why do you tell me that now? It's too late and too nasty! How cruel it is? Did I waste the whole year and a half? And you knew it but didn't tell me?

I might not have lost many things otherwise...

Why why why...!? It's shocking, stunning and stupid. You could have just told me so and you could have saved me.

slow recovery

It's been several months since then.

My friend said that even if you are so down at one moment, the time will come when everything seems alright and back to normal. When it comes is not predictable, but the day will come one day.

So an agony won't last forever, even if it seems like an endless pain, it heals one day. It may leave a scar, but it will make you more sensitive to other people's feelings, I believe.

I would like to thank all of my friends who were very supportive, compassionate, and understanding.

Decision-making

Decision making is really tough, especially when your mind is telling you to do that, and your emotion is telling you to do the opposite.

I have to weigh a lot of conditions and pros and cons and future possibilities that each choice will bring.

This is going to change my life so I need to be as prudent as I can so that I won't regret my decision later like before.

I feel the same way that I did two years ago and this feeling keeps telling me not to make the same mistake again, just learn the lesson from the past, and make the possible best decision. I'm trying to be extra careful because I learned that it takes at least two years to get yourself back to the right pass. hmm.. but the more I think, the more difficult it becomes.

I think I need more information.

This incident has changed my way of seeing things very much. It's necessary to keep being positive and assertive in order to make the most of it and be very productive. As a quote goes; Do what you can with what you have, where you are.

It's your experience, passion, and reputation that lift you up to the higher level. I need to accomplish something before it starts!!

Dinner

I didn't know it feels so good to be able to come home before 7...

Spaghetti for dinner was too much~~ I ate a lot.

I was so tired in the morning and then dozed off after lunch for 20 minutes and I felt much much better. Even though it was short, it gave me my energy back! I need some more rest.

2 more days to go!!

A day passes so quickly, but fatigue accumulates every day. I appreciate working parents who take care of their kids after getting back from work.. It needs so much of commitment. It must be hard, but rewarding, too, at the same time. You are all doing great, so please take good care of yourselves too, every mom and dad around the world.

How long will it last?

It feels like I'm in a sports club that I never wished to join.

Just waiting for the agony to go away but time passes so slowly when you are waiting for something.

I don't even like to talk about it.

I'm trying to think of something more fun but everything can now be related to it.....

And I stopped taking medicine because it's not working. I've already got used to this constant headache probably caused by pressure.

It looks like I'm a big complainer... but I can't help... I know it's natural everybody has something that they worry about, and we receive salary because of that. I know.. but I'd love to give somebody this duty and the overtime pay for it. It's only occupying too much of my time.

They may say that it's lucky to have this duty because you can be absent. But if you have a huge task and close deadline for that, additional work becomes nothing but an obstacle.

oh well.

It's funny, elementary and absurd, but considering pros and cons, it'll probably beneficial to put up with it for a while and grasp a better chance in time. But knowing is different from doing.

I want to say eventually that this 2 years was worth... despite everything. haha. I hope.

近況

ああああっっ…

きつい………

何がきついって、やらなければいけないことなのに次々いろんな雑務が入って後回しになってしまうこと…

解析したい、論文書きたいのに！！！！！！！　いったい何が優先なのか？

不機嫌丸分かりな顔をしていたのが自分でも分かる。むうっ…

英語で気を取り直して。

平和だなあ……

「この姿勢が落ち着くの」

Sick

I'm suffering from headache, dizziness and slight fever for almost 2 weeks..

I took a half day off three times in the past two weeks and I'm not getting better yet..

No idea what is wrong. Today I went to hospital to see a doctor but they said "We are closed in the afternoon". I bought some over-the-counter drug and went back. hmmm

It's the busiest month in the year and I have so many many thing to do piling up but my health is just not good. How can I deal with this?? Stop typing and go to bed? haha.. maybe. but I slept from 1 to 4 pm today and tired of sleeping.

My head is heavy..........

thinking, wondering, contemplating

I really want to do this! I'm excited!

--> But is it worth? It just seems like a luxury.

--> But many of my friends are doing it too.. I envy them.

--> Well, it still seems too much for what you will get and what you will lose

--> But I won't know what I will get until I try.

--> ......... (endless repeat)

BUT this has to stop.

At least this week! I must concentrate on what I have to do. No distractions. Declared!

「手紙」

東野圭吾さん「手紙」。3時間で読み終わってしまった…深い……

「働けるというのは幸せなことよ」

いろいろなことを、とても深く、考えさせられた。

解説者が書いていたように、この小説には、あらゆるところに鏡が仕込まれている。自分の姿が突然映り、自分がこれまで考えてきた事を問い直されるのだ。重い。

「終わりにしよう」、という言葉がある一方で、この苦難は一生続いていくし、過去を消し去ることも、忘れることも、置き去りにすることもできない。それが、最後の場面の意味だと思う。いろんなひとがいろんなものを背負っている。

もっちー

鯖の味噌煮

三種類の味噌を混ぜました。