Notice of Departure

I completely forgot about it, but my OPT expired at the end of August.  So.. my student visa in the US officially expired, and I no longer be able to work in the US.

Completely forgetting about it was a good sign that I was not thinking about going back.  It was a great experience to live and study in the US for five years, but when I think back now, it was the best decision to go home (or to go the place I wanted to be next) when I graduated.  Why?  Because if I work there, it will be another three years of stay, and it will be even harder for me to leave the US.  So I will be bound there, for good and bad.  It's hard to say what was best, at the end of the day, because you can only try one choice out of many possibilities.

I am glad that I followed my own instinct to go home, despite so many people telling me "Why don't you stay when you can? You are so lucky to be in the US."  Their advice was sensible - to their own values.  And I appreciate their kindness to share what they think is the best. However, it was me who was to decide.  It's just that I did not have the same values as them - at least at that time.  It made me realize how easy it is for me to be influenced by other people's opinions and values and mistake them as my own, and make a wrong decision for me.  It was a good experience... at least it feels so now even though I was regretting my decision to go home a year ago.  Despite my regret, I did not change my plans even though I had many opportunities to do so.  That can be another way to know my true intention, deep inside self..  

Decision-making is always tough! 

So I completed the form, Notice of Departure, to indicate that I have left the US and have no intention to extend my student visa (and post-completion work visa).  Time only flows one way.  It was a memorable moment, to bid farewell to my chapter I spent in Michigan.

People probably go through this kind of farewell all the time - and it reminds me of a verse in a book I read when I was a teen - "People you will never be able to see again, places you will never be able to visit again, and music that you will never be able to listen to again - the world is full of such things." And that is exactly why, and what, make them so special. 

A "PhD student" training at the industry

Controversial plan brings Ph.D. students to biotech for training

https://www.science.org/content/article/controversial-plan-brings-ph-d-students-biotech-training?utm_campaign=ScienceNow&utm_source=Social&utm_medium=Facebook

This is indeed an interesting experiment, and I would be curious to see how it will turn out. But as a non-traditional student and former industry employee, I would think isolation risk outweighs the benefit of being exposed to an industry environment.

Private companies are often a closed community with limited interaction with outside researchers. So, it is a privilege to be in an academic community as a graduate student because there are so many PhD holders and experts in various fields whom you can talk to without much worrying about confidentiality and trade secret.  Seminars, workshops, library resources, and all kinds of support for graduate students are also something that you hardly (or at least less often) have access to in the private sector. Last but not least, friendship with your fellow graduate students provides you with learning opportunities and motivation. Being a "PhD student" based in the industry is giving up all those benefits, to me. An internship or two, however, would be a wonderful way to take a look at how the world outside academia works.

Of course for those with established connections, it may not matter as much, as somebody else mentioned.  Indeed, this system may benefit industry researchers more who seeks a higher degree.  In that sense, it is meaningful to add an option to work and study at the same time while being in the industry, since sometimes graduate school straight out of undergraduate is not a choice for some students for various reasons. 

Rainbow Tassel for Rainbow graduation

Never did I expect to receive the graduation commemoration would arrive after nearly half a year!  

I received the rainbow tassel and cord as well as some cute stickers and a handwritten letter to congratulate my graduation from Gender and Sexuality Campus Center (GSCC).  They made it all the way to Japan!  I sincerely thank them for the effort to send them internationally.  I read that they are giving away these tassels and cords at the end of last year, so I put on my Japan address, thinking that they may or may not send them internationally.  But they did! 

Even after I left Michigan, I still feel connected with MSU and supported for who I am.  As a queer, the existence of organizations like GSCC means a world to me, especially for I am from a more conservative country in the disguise of a developed and liberated society.  Being a part of MSU allowed me to embrace and express who I am, which I had not been confident about before.  I met many people who are understanding and supportive, and met with some fellow LGBTQIA+ on and off campus.  I am definitely a different person in terms of higher resilience and broader horizons thanks to my experience at MSU.  

I appreciate the effort of GSCC so much to make the campus a safe place for everyone regardless of their gender identity and sexual orientation and the University's support for this.  I will cherish the tassel and the cord as my treasure that celebrates my identity as well as my academic degree.  

Diploma arrived!! 学位記来た！！

いやーーはるばる日本まで来た。よかった！

学位記には8/19/2021修了と書いていて、へ～～となった。でも博士論文最終締め切りは8/25で、24に提出したんだけどな。まあいいけど。

そういえば、「学位記が発送されました！」メールには、郵便追跡があって、見てみたら「現在Jamaica」と書いてあって驚愕したのだった。まさか、学位記発送先の住所入力の際に、国名選択でJapan から一個ずれて Jamaica としてしまったのか？！と血の気が引いた。本当に一回間違えかけたことがあったので…気を付けていたのだが…。もし本当にジャマイカに着いていたらおそらく取り戻すことは不可能だろう。誰も日本の住所だなんてわからないし、分かっても返送するオプションがついているかどうか？

しかし気にしないようにしていた（てか忘れてた）。こういうのって、最後まで分からないからだ。追跡が間違っているかもしれないし。米国生活でトラブルには慣れた。

しかし、やはり学位記を受け取れて本当に良かった。届いた筒の送り状にはやはり「Japan」とあり、私の入力は間違っていなかった。とすれば……もう一度追跡情報を見ると、「Jamaica, NY」とあるではないか！！　ニューヨーク州の地名か！！！　紛らわしい～～～～～！！　何で国名と同じ名前をつけるんだ……　こういうことがあるからトラブルが起こるのでは！　しかし納得だった。

考えてみれば、英語表記の住所の一発目に国名は来ない。それを忘れていたけど、NYの後に国名がなかったし、「Jamaica」の文字を見れば以前の間違い未遂事件も頭をよぎって国名だと思ってしまう！

はーーー　大騒ぎしなくてよかった…。騒いだところで、Jamaicaの郵便局に連絡して見つけてもらえる可能性がどれくらいか、測るすべもないが。。

そんなこんなで無事に学位記を受け取りました…。

届いていなかったとしても、電子版をダウンロードできるので博士号の証明自体はできるのだけど。それにしても電子版とは便利なものだ。$12 請求されることを除けば…。相変わらず商売上手。

Revision finished!!!!

I finally finished revising my last manuscript based on reviewers' comments and sent it to my advisor!! Hopefully she'll say it's OK and it will be re-submitted and accepted. 

It was a looooong process, DNA sequencing in summer 2018, bioinformatics in 2018-2019, more data collection in 2019, and data analysis, re-analysis through 2020-2021.  Many many revisions!!  This paper will be the base one to describe the diversity panel, so I wanted to make sure everything is correct...   

It's hard to believe that only 3 more months to go for 2021!!  At least I will have 2 papers published for this year.

A next project will be starting soon on food informatics!!

And Agbiodata working group project as well...? 

A little sribble of Twisted Wonderland characters

Dissertation and manuscript - A lesson learned

Yesterday was another writing and revising day for my manuscript submitted to a journal. 

I had to re-read it everything carefully to check if the figure and table numbers are right and the text is  coherent again, since it has been revised and formatted so many times that things might have gone wrong.  I found some grammatical errors and parts of text that do not flow so well...!! I'm glad I caught it before it gets published in a journal, but this paper in my dissertation is already accepted by the Graduate School and awaiting publication!!  I should have re-read all the chapters again before submitting it rather than just getting the formatting right.  Too late, at least published journal articles will have things more polished.  It's a lesson!  I wrote the chapters in such a hurry and they went through several major revisions.  I could have taken more time to check and revise.  I was kind of bound by the phrase "A dissertation that is done is than one that is perfect.", but I could have done more checking because dissertations will be published and will remain there forever.

Well... hopefully I learned the lesson and will not make the same mistake again!

Paper number 1 has been revised anyway.  One more to go!

しまったなあ…　博士論文の一部である論文の査読修正していたら、何か所か文法間違いとか文章の流れが悪いところが見つかった！　博士論文はもう提出してしまったのになーー　しまったーー　もっと確認すればよかった。フォーマットに時間をかけすぎて、そいで締切までに出さないと、しかもできるだけ早く出さないと間に合うかどうかわからない、って感じで内容を確認してなかったぁーー　もう一回読めばよかったな。

教訓として、やっぱり自分が書いた文章として残るものだから、きちんとしたものにした方がいいな。ということは、時間をかける必要がある。ということは、そんなに引き受けない方がいいということだ。量、質、速度、それらを天秤にかける必要がある。量を自分でコントロールできる職種なのだから、質と速度のバランスを取るべきだが、質はやはりおろそかにできない！

やっぱりそもそもスケジュールがタイトすぎたのかも。7月中旬までデータ解析してて、その結果を大慌てで論文形式にしたのが一報。論文化して提出したけど、大幅な修正が必要になってそれに追われたのが一報。それが落ち着いたと思ったらディフェンス。指導教官のコメントに添って修正しつつ、二週間で出国の準備もして…と、どう考えてもむちゃくちゃなスケジュールだった、今思うと。何でこんなに詰めちゃうんだろうと考えると、「暇な時間をもつことの罪悪感」が根底にあるのかもしれない。できるだけ多くのことをこなしたい欲張りも働いて、なんとかぎりぎりでできるのでは？と楽観的に考えて、あそびや余裕が一切なかった！　修正やらいろいろ来るし、フォーマットもここまで時間がかかるとは思っていなかった。なかなか…。物事はなんでも時間がかかるものだ。

今度はもっと余裕を持ってやるぞ――　だから、抱え込みすぎないことが本当に大事なのだ。。  

An essay about going to a graduate school abroad & more edits to my manuscript

It was a writing day yesterday. 

1. Essay about study abroad - graduate school in the US

This is a topic that I had been postponing for quite a bit, and finally I started it.  It's for undergraduate and master's students in Japan who are considering going to a graduate school abroad. There are many choices, not just the US, but it's interesting that the systems are quite different in each country.  For example, whether you would need to take classes and whether you need to take comprehensive exams depend on the school or program you are attending.  It kind of makes me wonder the value of a PhD is the same or different.  For those who did a PhD in the US, have most likely gone through ~30 credits of graduate level courses, comprehensive exams, and their dissertation research.  On the other hand, you would just need to do research and so it will only take 3 years or so to have a PhD in some countries in Europe, Australia, and Japan.  But the total length of time could be the same because in those countries you must have a masters' degree to get into a PhD program.  

Regardless, I am forever thankful that I was able to go to a graduate school in the US - it's a privilage to receive higher education with a salary!  It's not a chance that everyone gets.  So my goal was to share my experience and encourage studying abroad.  Almost done writing it, now it's time to revise and polish it. 

2. Another writing task of the day was to revise my manuscript that we submitted to a journal and received reviewer's comments.  Most comments were easy to accomodate, and some were really useful in improving the quality of the manuscript.  It's not the funnest thing in the world, but I just need to do it to get it published.  I remember those days with an endless loop of analysis-writing-discussion in January - March this year for this project.  Every time I submit a manuscipt (or end a project), I would swear that I will not do research again, but strangely I will be back at it again after a while.  Maybe it's a normal cycle of work.  At least the burn-out feeling does not last long. 

3. At last, my dissertation was accepted as correctly formatted!!!  Just in time, and it's a huge relief.  I cannot believe that it happened in time.  It makes me believe that it's not whether you can do it, it's rather whether you will do it or not.  It's possible to make things happen!  

   

Dissertation edits in HURRY!! & Blackout

Dissertation formatting

Yesterday was a Sunday, but I worked all day formatting my dissertation!  I did not notice that I got an email from Graduate School about necessary edits to be made.  It's good and bad that there is no notifications for Emails classified as Updates in Gmail.

Anyways the final deadline to submit my dissertation for summer graduation is Wednesday 8/25!  I should do it as soon as possible because Graduate School seems to be busy and takes some time to check the formatting of submitted dissertation.  It's a highly time-pressured job. What if they got hundreds of thesis/dissertations to review on the due date?  I think they will take some time to review all of them anyways.

Formatting a long document is a pain!  I learned a lot about functions in Word like making table of contents, list of tables and figures, and center a text from top to bottom.  Other than that, there are detailed rules to a lot of things -

• Do not start a page with an empty line
• Do not end a page with a title (heading)
• Put 'Table X (cont'd)' if a table spans on multiple pages
• Single space references
• No duplications for table numbers - so, if you have regular tables and supplementary tables, they should be numbered sequencially: Tables 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, Tables S1.4, S1.5, S1.6 etc.  This rule does not quite make sense though, because with this numbering scheme, Tables will not appear in the order of their numbers.  E.g., the main text it may say "This was this (Table 1.1). ... Then that was that (Table S1.4). ... Then it was like this (Table 1.2)."

It took a whole day to get those things right!!  I hope they will get to my submission before the deadline and will accept it as is!

I thought Sunday at 9 pm will be Monday 8 am in MI, but it was wrong!  It will be Sunday 8 am!  I could have done it today, too, but I'm glad I finished it regardless.

Blackout

There was a sudden blackout last night while I was almost done with editing my dissertation!! Well, of course, an unluckly event happens when you don't want it most.  But it wasn't too long.  Also I was amazed that the hotel seems to have a backup power.  One ceiling light turned on when power went out, and it kept my room nice and bright, which made a huge difference.  There was also an annoucement through the ceiling speaker that the hotel is experiencing unexpected power outage, and that it is not due to a natural disaster.  That kind of explanation calmed my mind.  After 20 min or so, power came back, and so did WiFi.  They were still doing some safety check, but within 45 min or so, things were back to normal, and elevators could be used as well.  I am quite impressed by how they handled the situtation and how well they are prepared!!   

博士論文の体裁確認がやっとこさ帰ってきた。細かいルールが山ほどあるな。。締め切りまであと4日！ やっば！最優先でおこなう。日曜にも関わらず…。 なぜ日曜に頑張ったかというと、日曜夜9時がミシガンの月曜も朝8時で、それが見てもらえる最短時間だから！と思ったから。間違えたわ…ミシガンの日曜はいまから始まるんだわ。まあいいけど。

ホテルが停電したけど非常用電源のお陰で部屋は明るかったし懇切丁寧な日英二言語のアナウンスもあって、す、すごい、素晴らしいホスピタリティ！と感動した。しかも20分くらいで復旧。いやーー 帰ってきたな…と実感するときでした。感謝感謝。

ミシガンと打とうとすると綴りのとおりMichi と打ってしまうからミチガンとなってしまう。笑 ミシガンをミチガンと発音する人がいてすごく気になっていたのを思い出した。あなたミシガンに何年いるの？？と突っ込みたくなる。その他、シカゴをチカゴ、ランシングをランズィングと発音する人もいて、自由だなーと感じる…。そんなことを思い出した。

Practice leads to confidence; confidence leads to success.

 Practice, practice, and practice!

Thanksful for my friends and colleagues who are willing to spend hours with me to practice my defense seminar.  I've memorized most things now!  I will need to study my literature and get ready for questions.

博論草稿を送りましたーーー

 博士論文とりあえずまとめて教授陣に提出したーーー　けっこうな遅刻。あるあるらしいけど。りりーさん締め切り守る人だったのになあ。なんでも早めにやる人なのにな。博士論文に関しては後手後手に回っている！

本来月曜に出すべきものなんだけど、月曜に第四章の添削・修正案件が来たのでそれを水曜いっぱいで仕上げた……　急いで解析したやつなので粗がないか心配、ってわけでダブルチェックしながら。解析方法が例によってあとからあとからいい方法が出てくるので、修正前のなのか後のなのかが分からなくなったり。最新のデータを使って、最新の解析方法で、これが間違いなく結果として出ます、と保証するのはけっこう神経を使う。それが迫りくる締め切り日の前だから余計に。ぐああ

そいで木曜一日使ってフォーマット…。体裁を整えて図表番号通してTable of Contents 目次とと List of Tables and Figures 図表一覧を作る。これが骨が折れた!!　MS Word の新たな使い方を学んでいる…。200ページ越えの文書を作るのは大変だな。。それだけで。イントロ書こうかと思ったけどとてもそんな時間なかったわ。

指導教官とお話ししたかったので、午後に研究室の自分の机に久しぶりに行って、そこで作業した。だいぶ物を引き払っているので全部持ち込まないといけなかったけど、その分集中できた。水も持参だしずっと座っているのもきつかったけど。その点、スタンディングデスクはいいなあ。でもマウスでホイールころころできるのは助かった。でも自分のパソコンが初期化されたも同然の状態になっていて、ソフト、設定などなどが消えていた。アップデートしますよと言われた時点で覚悟はしていた。リモートになってから全部自分のパソコン一本でできるようにしたし、もともと会社（仕事用）のPCとはそういうものだ。知らないところで管理される。だから、パソコンはあるけど使えない状態で、机とモニターだけ借りて、自分でＨＤＭＩケーブルとノートパソコンを持参した。笑　このノートパソコンがパワフルでほんとーーに助かっている。私のすべてが詰まっている。絶対に壊れてほしくない、少なくとも博論を提出するまでは。まあデータはバックアップとれているからいいんだけど、ソフトの数とか設定とかが、最適化されて一番効率良いようになっているのだ。これを新しいPCにまた一から入れるなんて、考えただけで気が遠くなる。できればパソコンごとミラーリング複製してバックアップしたいぐらいだ。

引退した人の後任の新しい先生が来ていた。しゃべり方、学生との接し方一つで、いろんなことが分かるものだな（分かった気になっているだけなのかもしれないけど）。平日昼間だったけどほとんど誰もいなかった。まだみんなリモートワークを続けているのだろう。家のオフィスがしっかりできてしまったから、もとに戻すのもなかなか時間がかかるだろう。でも8月から、事務系の人たちはフルタイムで戻ってくるそうだ。

指導教官に、今後のプロジェクトのことを聞いたけど、データ解析のは2－3か月しかかからないやつで、一年とかの研究資金は今はないそうだ。もう一つのは、食品系でがっちり実験系。実験系も楽しいけど、どうだろ…。リモートでできるものを極めていくなら別のスキルを身につけた方が良さそうだ。

アカリクの文書書きが何気に楽しみだ。

とりあえず、博論ディフェンスですよね……　何はなくともそれに全力投球せねば！！　プレゼンするの自体が半年以上ぶりくらいなので大変だ…でもZoomでよかった……。学期末だけあって、他の友人たちもディフェンスしている。大丈夫！！一緒に頑張ろう！！

OMG it took forever to put my disertation together, format it, make Table of Contents and List of Tables and Figures with page numbers and everything... It takes so much time to format a 200 page document.  I am a person who does things early and meet deadlines, but when it comes to dissertation, I'm often behind.  

I got feedback for the final chapter on Monday, which is the day I was supposed to send my dissertation draft to my committee, but my advisor suggestsed that I'd better address their comments first for the fourth chapter.  So, I spent Tue and Wed on editing and double-checking that the analyses are right.  I will need to check again once I get my defense presentaiton done.  I want to check one more time since I analyzed the data in hurry and improved my methodology several times throughout.  It always goes like that; you constantly get new ideas and new methods to try. 

Anyways that was those two days... I'm surprised that I can focus for such a long time per day and for a long time. Literally burning midnight oil studying, writing, and revising.  It's been a marathon.  And I'm happy to be typing something that's not scientific.. lol   

I am thankful to my friends who are super supportive and always cheers me up.  This work would not have been possbile with all the people I met at MSU.  I enjoyed writing acknowledgement section.

I'm almost there - I made half the presentation, so I will just need to add the other half in terms of results, and make general introduction and conclusion for my defense seminar slides.  I hope to go hiking tomorrow if the weather permits, and have some relaxing time with friends when I can.  Time is running out....     

論文修正おわったーーー ありえないほど長くて短い一日

 論文2報目のがやりなおしになってしまいぎゃーーとなりながらやるしかない！！となって再解析、図表修正、考察修正をした！！！

この作業量と頭脳労働量を２日でやるとは信じがたい、自分で。そりゃあ一日14時間作業でいろんなことを犠牲にしましたけども。。朝の散歩だけは譲らないけど（一日の計画をたてるのにうってつけ）、それ以外はパソコンにかじりついていた。

木曜の昼に昼御飯食べて、そのまま何も食べず夜までやって寝て、翌日今日、6時に起きてフルスロットルでやって、、さすがに夕方５時にお腹が空いて集中できなくなった。でもそれまでの集中力がすごかったので、空腹が頭脳にいいというのは本当なんだな。血が頭にいくから、ってホームズが言っていた通り。

月曜もめっちゃめちゃに追い込んで論文かいたけど、にたようなことが同じ週に再び起こるとは思わなかった。やっぱり何かを仕上げるというのは大変なんだな、時間がかかる。そして遺伝学分野でどうしても慣れていなくて、あとからあとから修正案というかこうしたほうがいいのではないかというメソッドが出てくる。そうこうしているうちに新しい論文も出てきてそれも考察に加えて…なんてことになり永遠に終わらない。これでいいんです！ここで切ります！と言えるほど玄人でもないのがつらいところだ。研究者の運命なんだろうけど。

文献を読んでもしばらくしたら忘れてしまうので、何かを分子レベルで突き詰めること自体にそんなに興味がないんだろうなとも思う。データをまとめるのは好きだけど、それから言えることはごくシンプルであってほしい。。。

度重なる修正を快くOKしてくれる指導教官の先生の寛大さに感謝感激である……。

今日やったこと

GWAS結果の一覧表作成。過去研究および既知遺伝子との相関をみる。図、表を作成、修正する。LDを計算する（使わなかったけど…メソッドの記録、汎用化はできた)。 考察修正して付け加える。見直す（これ重要！！！！)。Got p value of 10^-80.  Couldn't beileve it, but what can I do?  It's exactly what the calculation spits out.

箇条書きにするとそんなにないけど、ほんっと大変だった。ありえん。Time pressure も加わって知恵熱が出てきた。ともかくも良い週末を過ごせそうです……。次にやることはまだ考えたくないです。

ぎりぎりで物事をするのが好きなのか？ いや、そうではない。前々から計画して早めに終わらせるほうが好きだ。なので、余裕をもってやっているのに修正が多くて手間がかかっているというのが近いきがする、論文に関しては。。。

Final chapter draft submitted!! とりあえず博論の最終章ができた！！！

Wrote a paper at a record-breaking pace.  OMG I'm exhausted... 

So thankful for my advisor's advice on not to bite on more than I could chew and write a paper with what we already have.  It was a life saving advice!!  I cannot imagine what would have happened if I spent one more day on data analysis without knowing where a cutoff should be.   

 

Bday card from International Students' Office

Got this from OISS!!  It's very kind of them 😊 

A food gift bag, Flowers, Job application and Writing

 It was a super productive Saturday!

I got up at 7 feeling great because I slept for 8 hours.  Enough sleep is so veeery important that it would be prioritized.  I turned on night mode of my phone, and now it turns to black and white after 11 pm, by which I should go to bed.  Perhaps it's better to set it to start it at 10:30 pm or something.

Then I picked up food bank distribution.  It's a little fun time to receive a bag of grocery and see what is inside. It's like receiving a gift and opening it with excitement.  They give out a bunch of dry grocery like rice, beans, pasta, canned foods, as well as fresh produce.  I got some tomatos on the vine, mandarins, bananas, and apples.  It is super helpful..  I don't have to buy a lot of food in store any more.  But I need to be somewhat picky because some of the foods they give out are healthy - some loaded with sugar, fat and/or salt.

One of the ladies there asked my name and suprisingly she remembered seeing my name on one of the paper bags to be distributed. There were many bags with names and I was surprised that she remembered my Japanese after seeing it once.  When I told her so, she said it is her best friend's name from collage, who is in Washington now.  She's originally from Nagano, and it's 20 years ago and she hasn't seen that name since then.  It was touching that she still remembers her (and my) name and keeps in touch with her.  And it's cool to be international best friends! 

Then I picked up a desk light that someone left in a 'pack up and pitch in' box for apartment residents to exchange stuff.  It's great to get household items for free.  It's a graduation and moving out time.  A lot of items are left in the box, hopefully to be reused.

I finished writing my application documents for a job.  Since MSU Writing Center is closed till mid May, I asked my friend who is working in a relevent field to reveiw my application.  Writing application takes time!  I realize that there is limited amount of time and I will be able apply for a certain number of jobs.  I need to be picky and realistic, and efficient as well!!  With gathering restrictions being loosened, the normal is likely to come back.  If I think about that, I started to feel like I want to stay in the US, and realized that what I was wanting was interaction with people in person.  Going to office every day and meeting with the same people gives me a sense of belonging.  I didnt know I had such strong desire to be connected with people or be with people in general because I have always hesitant to go to parties or gatherings, and felt relieved when I come back to my apartment with no roommates.  I wonder if this is temporary. Once I start working in office again, I may feel nervous about interacting with people.  We will see.

It's really hard to imagine leaving Michigan. It's a beautiful place.  I love the crisp air typical of northern temperate area (I suppose).  It smells very different from what it does in the tropics, strange enough to say.  And I've got a lot of friends here.  It feels like I belong here.  If I could get a long term job, not a temporary one, I will be able to think about living here forever.  It's interesting that moving feels so daunting, no excitement.  When I was younger, moving to a new place is full of excitement.  I was longing for a change.  Now I want more stable life with less changes.  Not getting any younger, indeed...

But at the same time, I enjoy living anywhere.  I moved so many times to different cities but have never hated any of them so far.  Living there makes any place a paradise; they say.  If so, it may be the least stressful for me to find a parmanent job and move to one place to live there for a long time.  I change my mind every day, though.  

Then I took out some recyclables, dropped off a English/French magazine for a labmate who is a keen learner of French, printed out some papers to read, put a voice recorder in the lab for use, did the loundry.  I took a lot of pictures of cherry (apple?) blossom on campus too!  It's just so beautiful that I cannot help taking pictures.  Flowers are another attractive thing in Michigan. 

 Then when I was writing, a club suit appeared out of nowhere when I inserted a citation!!!  It was weired but funny. 

I'm feeling normal and fine except the slightly sore arm.  I'm glad my reaction to the second shot wasn't long-lasting.  Thankful for all the medical professionals working tirelessly to save lives... 

Lots of writing this week!!

My 2nd paper has been submitted!!!

It's been such a long journey, over a year, but I'm glad it's taken shape and gone off of my hand for now.  It's really tricky to do genetic study...It feels like I'm not inherently cut out for it.  Then if I were to look for research jobs in other areas, what can I do?

Have read and watched lots of resources about 'finding passion/purpose of your life and then deciding where to work or what to do.'   Easier said than done to find such a profound goal.  Accomplishment, Learning, Life experiences, and Helping people seem to be keywords for me, but I need to keep thinking about them.

My second shot was on Thursday.  Someone gave me a ride,... So grateful for that.  The second shot is worse.  My arm hurts like it was stung by a bee. I cannot move it freely let alone carry stuff with my left arm.  Then I felt feverish late afternoon, feeling chills for the first time in a long while.  It means that my immune system is working to build immunity!   The worst time period has passed, so that's good news. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow morning.  But either way, it won't affect my writing since typing is fine for my arm.

Watching outdoor commencement ceremony spring 2021 & cap and gown photo session

Watching commencement ceremonies from my window taking place in Breslin Center parking lot.  It's a small, 50-person outdoor event, prone to increment weather, but it is inspiring to watch the university's best effort to recognize graduates in person while taking safety measures.  It is also inspiring and encouraging to listen to speaches by students with outstanding academic record.

 Being close to the finish line of my own degree too, it's very intersting, the whole expreience, to watch graduates going into their new chapter of life - lifelong learning and serving others continue.  I do not remember much what my undergraduate graduation ceremony was like, but I remember the moment to think 'It will be probably the last day to see all of my classmates at once.  I will miss them.'

Indeed, people come and go in your life, and the person you have been seeing every day might not be there after a year.  It's a miracle to meet with those who you have met because there are billions of people in the world and you only get to know very few of them.

I am so fortunate to have good friends, good colleagues, and supportive family.  They are an asset that not everyone has.  Taking pictures in cap and gown today on a sunny, peaceful day on campus with a close friend, it made me feel that materialistic or monetary success is nothing compared to good inter-human relationships because you can't buy people's heart or time.  Be a good person, be humble, be helpful, be kind, they resonate in my heart louder than ever, and it drives me to play my part to help people. 

Getting things done.

After all of my courses finished, it's great to see my empty calendar!!!  Finally I can focus on writing.  

My second paper is almost ready to be submitted!!!!

And my gown has shipped!!!

OK... Getting things done one by one. 

I really like learning names of those adorable cats.  Socks, Macchiato, Quicksilver, Spooky, Carrie, etc.  They are all so cute, and I'm sure I'll pick names from these when I get to have cats.

最終週は今週だった

 やっと全ての授業が終わった。。。

月曜は最後のチームミーティングで、これから水曜の発表をどうするか、どこまで解析仕上げてものにするかを話し合いつつ。できる人が率先してリーダーシップをとってくれてありがたい。これはあなたにしかできない！という場面はあるものだ。そういう場面がもしあったら、率先してリーダーになろう。効率が全然違う。

プロジェクト形式の授業、というか、講義はほぼないのだから、授業ではない。小研究課題×3といったところだ。プログラミングができる人がある程度やって、そこから枝葉を伸ばしていくしかないから、プログラマーの負担が重い。プログラミング初心者は黙ってみまもるしかないし、出来上がったコードを見てもこれが何をしているのかは理解できないし、その完璧に作られたコードを他の研究プロジェクトに応用しようと思っても容易ではない、というか不可能だ、その言語を理解していないのだから。植物学とコンピューターサイエンスの間にはやはり分厚い壁があって、植物学者をプログラマーになるまでに鍛えるのか、プログラマーを植物学者になるまでに鍛えるのか、なんだか趣旨がよくわからなくなってきた。結局何ができるようになったらこの授業の目的を達成したといえるのだろうか。私は結局高度なプログラミングは全くわからないのでその他のソフトでできることをした、ということはスキルは現状維持なわけで、そのだされたプロジェクトの課題から何か学んだかというと、特に何も学んでいないのだ。。。これは授業料を払って新たなスキルを得るというよりは、現状のスキルで問題解決に貢献している、即ち、テイクではなくギブだ。給料をもらってもいいのではないかとすら思える。確かに最先端の研究とか、いかにプログラマーがすごいかというのはわかったけど、何だかなあと思わざるを得ないものだった。まあいいけど。リモート授業で助かった。思いパソコンを持ち歩くのは骨だ。

火曜日はワークライフバランスについて最終授業。

アメリカでもけっこう、残業やらメールにすぐ返信するように圧力がかかるということを聞いてマジかと思った。日本との違いは、それに抵抗するかしないかかな。もし嫌な職場だったら、「数年の我慢なのか、ボスは異動になるのか、それとも自分が出ていかないといけないのかを判断したらよい」といわれた。なるほどね。。ワークライフバランスは課題だ。バランスが大事だ。。ヨーロッパの国々のように、労働者が半端じゃなく守られていると、公的サービスの質、速さは考えられないほど低いし、宅急便は受けとり損ねたら二度と来ない。どういう世界がよいのだか。。。 アメリカはその点、労働者もわりと守られているし、でもサービスはあるていど速いし正確だし、ちょうどいいと思うんだけどな。消費者からの視点ですが。

アンケート調査もあと一息。。。終わらせたい。。。5月15日までにかなりのことを終わらせる計画ですよ。

もらいもののアボカドでぐあかもーれを作った。

塩、コショウ、クミン、シラントロ、唐辛子、乾燥オニオンを入れた。

塩味を加えると超おいしくなる。

論文とりあえずできた！！！

 アドバイザーからのOKと、一点追加部分があったのでそれを朝からやっていた！

最近夢見が悪いことが多いんだけどなんでだろう…。すんなり起きられるからいいっちゃいい。。のか。。。？

論文を提出しさえすればこっちのもんだぜ。すぐに第二弾に取り掛かる。今度は、第一段ほど時間をかけずさくっと出したい。

それで午前は終わって、午後から花の写真を撮りに出かけた。去年より一か月早くて、ガウンを注文してなかったのが本当に悔やまれる……。今満開なのでもうフォトショップで合成するしかないでしょう。夏には紫陽花とか咲くかな。夏卒業だから夏の花でもいいか。。。

土曜日は低速運転

土曜日、いつも通り６時に起きて書き物を始めてみる。けど、 やっぱり先週の反動でとにかくパソコンを見たくなかった……。

掃除、洗濯、浄水器の掃除など、あらゆる仕事以外のものを片付け（逃避）、漫画を読み漫画を描き、猫ちゃんを眺めて癒され、猫の居室を拡張！し、とりあえずリラックスを試みた。

3時から野外での集まりがあったので、すごーく迷ったけど行くことにした。この団体の集まりはいつも楽しいし、自転車で行ったらそれだけで運動になるので。アーチェリーをしたりおしゃべりしたりして、楽しかった！　でも参加人数は少なかった。やっぱりみんな学期末で忙しいらしい。

あっという間に5時になって、片づけたりしてたら五時半解散。

運動したりして、メールにちょっと返信して（何かいろいろやることあるなーー）、のつもりがけっこうな時間を取られる。最近自分の時間予測が楽観的すぎる気もする。だってすぐ終わる！と思わないと取り掛かりたくなくなるんだもんなーー