The dilemma of parents

How do kids deal with the pressure of behaving in a particular way according to their gender and the inner urge to be themselves despite the gender role?

In Japan, many people believe in gender roles, or, in fact, they believe that "many people believe in gender roles, so the easiest way to live is to go along with them."  This stems from a contradiction observed in Japanese society, where activities for women's rights and support for LGBTQ are more widespread than before but at the same time, strong belief in gender roles make it difficult for some children to behave like they truely are.

To understand this phenomenon, let us take a look at the importance of "others' opinions" placed by individuals.  In Japan, "what others might think of you" is the biggest concern, far more important than "how you think of yourself". This is considered to be the result of a long history of group farming that fostered collaborative, communal characteristics of villages for thousands of years. In that society, it was important to work in harmony with others to produce food. If you do something that others might frown upon, they will exclude you from the community and that was detrimental for your survival.  Today, the mentality of "what would others think?" still has a huge influence on people's behavior, even though we are a much more developed society than a village in terms of human rights, social security, and legislation. 

A mother of two asks in a letter: "My son, a five year old, seems to like girlish things like dolls and pink ribbons.  I am concerned because that might make him stand out from the crowd in the kindergarden and some kids may bully him for that.  While I want my kids to express themselves freely, I feel the responsiblity to guide my children so that life will be easier for them.  But it will be difficult for my son if he had to hide who he is. I am torn."

This shows how individuals think "it's OK to express themselves freely and be themselves but the society would not allow it and therefore they wouldn't do it".

Phrases

    live up to society's norms

    stand up for ourselves

    embrace who they are

    reservations - we may not be able to entirely

    step on someone's toes/shoes - to upset someone (esp. by involving in things that are the person's responsibility)

Discussion Questions:

1. What do you think is the best for this mother to do?

2. How long will it take for social norms to change?