Teaching and talking

It's been a mild winter so far. 

Many things come and go, and I just need to focus on the day. "Don't think about tomorrow - just focus on what I need to do today"-kind of attitude.

Teaching is really tough!  I kind of like interacting with students. BUT it is just difficult to prepare teaching materials based on someone's material. And there are many things I did not question as a student but I do question as a TA. It's really true that you understand something truly when you are able to teach it. Need to be someone else to be a teacher, which takes a lot of energy. Kind of enjoyoing it, but can't wait to be done.

Mixed feeling of joy and nervousness of being able to lead the class but at the same time having the sole responsibility for their learning. 

Interviewing is another project where I need to be a different person. I talked with a faculty today who teaches biology in front of 100 students and also does research on students' process of learning and understanding. I asked her for advice on how to be an effective interviewer, and she said "You need to be confident, lead the conversation, use appropriate probes to encourage the participants to talk more, and ask appropriate questions on the spot; I see you are a shy person. The advice I got too was to become an actor and pretend to be a confident interviewer." I thought oh.. she has observed me well. I'm kind of glad that she paid attention to me and my personality, and at the same time it is wierd that I was being observed. It's a difficult feeling to describe. But anyway I need to put on a qualitative researcher's hat. 

Interaction with people is a surreal experience to me. It makes me think a lot.

I like talking with people, but at the same time, I am thinking when and what is the best way to finish up the conversation. I enjoy talking with them, so I feel odd about this contradictory feeling. I'm probably worried about people's time.. or trying to see whether they really want to talk with me. I'm kind of envious about those who can talk endlessly without worrying about the other person's situation or needs. For teaching or presentation, that kind of thick skin may be useful. when I say "I like talking with you, but I want to finish because I do not want to waste your time", do I really want to talk with them or do I not want to? External things come into play and eats up my own intention or desire, and I ponder if this is because of the culture I grew up with. Too much thinking!