I was able to see a friend before I go. It's so sad to say goodbye, and it just tears my heart apart. I did not think about this hard farewell when I made my decision to go back.
I could have extended my stay in MI for a year, and it wouldn't have hurt, even though I will not have a stable job, the covid situation and some time needed to wrap up my dissertation as well as taking a gap year to figure out what I wanted to do, a year could have been spent that way.. I am typing this to process this feeling. It was touching that she said 'It's ok to grieve.' We tend to avoid feeling sad, but sad things sometimes happen outside our control, and we need to embrace it rather than suppress it or hide it. Easier said than done, but .. it made me feel better. I am so glad she said that to me.
It is such a hard feeling and I am becoming less tolerant to changes, emotional stimuli after working from home, spending day by day with minimal interaction with others. So, it will take a while; but it will be gone eventually and I will be ok. Just like when I broke up with my exes and my grandmother passed away. These really difficult situations yet make me appreciate what I have had and currently have.
And also I am so thankful for her prayer and thanks to god for my getting my PhD, bringing me here, and forming me to who I am today. It was truly touching. I am so glad I got to know this person, so kind, accepting, and considerate with wonderful listening ears. I wish I had more time to have deep conversations with her, but I hope to stay in touch with her as our lives go on. Her prayer for me for peace and joy, will be heard, and nothing is more empowering than this.
As I will definitely be coming back to visit, we will say 'See you again'.
No comments:
Post a Comment