I had deeeep conversations about life with one of my good friends the other day. It is precious to have someone who I know will not judge me whatever I say or do. So, we can exchange opinions, share our past mistakes and lessons, and ask hard questions to each other without having to worry about what the other person may perceive it. And how wonderful it feels is beyond description. (With respect, of course!)
I felt comfortable sharing my regrets and shortcomings with him because we both understand the complexity of life and the hardships attached to it, as well as our capability to learn lessons and grow from there. It is rare to find someone like that, I think. He shared his complicated life stories, and I appreciate his trust in me. He said he felt good after venting to someone who understands English. I can imagine that being able to have deeper conversations in their native/semi-native language can be a huge relief, just like I enjoyed having a chat with my Japanese friends in Michigan every now and then.
Not only the language, but also the culture plays a part, too. A typical Western and Japanese cultures are so different, especially in that expectations are not clearly communicated. Many non-Japanese residents in Japan feel lost or uncomfortable because they do not see what is expected, and they have to make a guess. In my observation, I would say Japanese people are not used to communicating expectations to each other because expectations are already shared among them. There are few occasions where they need to express it in this mostly mono-ethnic country, and people don't think about expectations or verbalizing them.
All in all, it is amazing that people come from abroad and live and work in Japan despite countless challenges and sometimes unfair, different treatments. I have immense respect for expats in Japan, who are trying their best to fit in to a society that is not so immigrant-friendly, unfortunately. It is becoming like an old, textbook conclusion that language and culture are huge factors that will probably have a huge impact on your life abroad. They are!
Anyway, it is precious to have that kind of relationship where you can talk about what you want to talk about, tell what you want to tell, and ask the questions you want to ask, without worrying about what the other person might think... I really appreciate it. And it is such a relief that if ever the other person might find it odd or offensive, they'd tell me so and ask questions to confirm.
I feel refreshed when I come in contact with people like this because I am quite individualistic, and sometimes I feel I lack kindness! Those people are ready to give first, regardless of the other person's reaction. They accept others' feelings, notice others' concerns, and do not hesitate to ask about them instead of just assuming. It is a great learning experience to talk with such a person with high EQ.
京都府立植物園に写真仲間と行ってきました。雨だったけど、満開のバラはとても綺麗だった。
あまり花には興味ない、と言っていた友人も、こんなに多くの種類、花の形や色や香り、花びらの枚数まで違う品種がたくさんあるとは知らなかった、と言っていて、よかったー。
興味ない人は本当に興味ないんだな、花って。何にしてもそうだろうけど。私がいわゆるポップカルチャー（流行の映画とか音楽とか）にあまり興味がないのと同じ…。だから、自分が興味ないことでも、一緒に来てくれて嬉しかった。ありがたや。
その後、いろんな話をした。人生について。それぞれ、いろんな問題？を抱えていて、
そんなに絶望的とかではないんだけど、やはりいろいろ思うところはあって。
相手がどう思うだろう…とかを気にせずに、話したいことを話し、伝えたいことを伝え、質問したいことを質問できるそんな関係性は貴重だ。本当に、ありがたいです。
私はけっこう個人主義なので、優しさが足りない！と自省することが多々ありまして、
何というか、こういう人と接すると、浄化される思い。相手の反応に関わらず、優しさを与えてくれて、こちらの気持ちもちゃんと受け入れてくれて、こちらの気遣いに気づいてくれる。そんな、EQの高いひとに接するのはとても勉強になります。
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