Time to create a database

Now one is done, two more to go.

Things have been better sorted out and it seems like there is a way to finish it. It depends on how fast I can put the data together and analyse them.

Thoughts at 10 pm

What am I doing? I ask myself everyday so many times day and night. I never regret my decision but feel pity for many things about myself.

I wonder how they smile despite everything.
I wonder how they deal with everyday difficulties.

I think they are busier than me, but still they are bright and happy. It's more of personality... and it's given!

What am I doing? Thinking negative things, OK, giving off a big sigh, understand, and grumbling to my friends. It's easy to say "appreciate what you have", but it doesn't feel real when things are stressful and frustrating. It's silly that it was my choice. The only thing I can do is to laugh at myself holding tears. I know I have sufficient income, food, shelter, clothes, friends, family, health, some or all of which are hard to get for some people. I understand. Yet piles of work overwhelm me and cannot get rid of it from my mind day and night. urgh...

I hope some day I can recall this moment and say it was a good experience. At least I was able to know what I place importance on and what I don't like.  

やること多すぎて

仕事のあとのカフェオレ、最強においしいーー

最近疲れまくり。

社交辞令かもしれないけれど、疲れて見えるよといわれる。

しごとが多すぎて、残業時間が法定上限を超えそうなので、今月は9時間以上しないようにと言われた。じゃあ仕事を減らしてくれと声を大にしていったけれども。でも結局、そこにある仕事には厳然たる締め切りがあって、私がマネージメントするしかなくて。はーー

サービス残業ほど気が重くなるものはない。

私の効率が悪いのかな。試行錯誤もあるから、効率良いとはいえないときもあるけど…。

明らかに、仕事の分配が偏っている気がする。全部しようとするのは無理かもしれない！

今日も、前日の打ち合わせだったから当日覚えればいいやと思って、行けませんと言った。その結果、1時間半を浮かせることができて、実験できた。しかもその打ち合わせ、行かない人もたくさんいて、その人たちには電話で連絡が行ってた。電話ですむことなら、貴重な時間を取らないでほしい。（来なくても大丈夫といってもらえたのは助かったけど）きっとそういう打ち合わせを企画するのが彼らの仕事だから、必要かどうかというより、とりあえずやることに重点が置かれているのだと感じた。確かに、打ち合わせするに越したことはないが、当日やれば良いではないか…責任者じゃないんだから。

ぐちぐち。

これから7月ぐらいまで、こういった仕事が続くんだなと思うと…ため息をつかずにいられない。

私と一緒に仕事している同僚にも、締め切りに追われるプレッシャーを与えてしまって申し訳ない…そしていつも出張とかでいなくて申し訳ない…。><

Another task

hmm it's just so tough to have tasks one after another. I've got only 8 hours per day and yet there are so many things coming in every day. It's too much. It makes me wonder if this is because I'm incapable, or this is beyond my capacity. If I continue work like this, the quality of my current work will suffer too, and then it will affect my performance evaluation too. It's so bad.

Things never work out as I planned. Having certain things in mind, planning to do them at the beginning of the year, and ending up doing totally different things which leave me no extra time. It's stupid that we set a certain goal and never even try to do it. There's no way that I can accomplish the goal and get high evaluation. There's something wrong.

At least I have to express my concern. I have to control things I do, tasks I manage. If it's way too much, it should be given to someone else. I cannot help having this feeling of unfairness when I see other colleagues who conduct experience on their own pace without deadlines and pressure. It depends on the type of work that has been assigned to each person, and it's just that I have ones with tight deadlines. It requires some re-planning....

Don't wanna be swamped with work any FURTHER..

A Quote

Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger. 

 -Michael Gardner 

Again..

Another one is leaving from the project. It's very true that misfortunes come in succession. It's hard. I thought he would stay and I was going to see him next year too.     I don't know if it was his decsion or someone else's, and how he feels about it. oh well...

There's something wrong in this.

Since long time ago, shaving one's head has been a sign of contrition. It was only done mainly by boys, but recent news startled me and it feels very uncomfortable. Well it was stated in the contract, then you are supposed to obey them once you signed it. So.. we could say that it's the person's fault to break the regulation and/or to sign the strange, unfair agreement. hmm but it doesn't feel it's right to blame the person. It's like cult and superstitious as many people point, and it's not just right. It must be difficult for a teenager or young people in early 20s to judge what is reasonable/acceptable and what is not. This kind of business is not favourable because it deprives those teenagers of their time and willingness to learn that kind of things. I cannot help wondering what their life would be like after all those whining moment of fame.    

Gun control debate

When gun control is being fiercely discussed after the massacre in Connecticut, US, it is always the statistics that is trotted out. According to Japantoday, there are more murder cases by scissors than that by guns in Japan. Unlike the US, where the purchase of firearms are easy, people have to undergo a complicated process to get an approval to possess a gun.

The main things to check is disease. A person who wants to own a gun have to go to a local police station to declare their intention. The police will investigate thoroughly the background of the applicant. They check if s/he has been institutionalised and is epileptic, schizophrenic (more than one personality), or capricious. They might even ask the neighbours about his daily behaviour. I'm not saying that the US should introduce this kind of stricter, more complicated system, but just that a difficult access to guns will lower the number of bullet-related cases. It's not a right to own a gun/firearm, it's a privilege in Japan, and so the owner must comply with the rules and be responsible for their act. Quite rudimentary, though.        

Lady gaga is not gaga..

Just learned that Lady gaga donated all the proceed that she made in her concerts held in Japan last year. I also read that she established an organisation to help children who are bullied. Despite her peculiar, excentric performance and songs, she seems to be a nice, sound-minded person.

Surprising truth about the national anthem

I just read that Bayonce admitted that she mimed the national anthem at President Obama's inauguration. She said she didn't have time to practice and had not wanted anything go wrong on such a big occasion. It was surprising that she didn't sing and later admitted it. I thought people were moved when she "belted out" at the ceremony...


I don't really understand why singers don't sing live at a concert or this type of ceremony where thousands of people are looking forward to it. Singing is their job! It must have been a huge disappointment for the participants to know that the soaring rendition of the Star Spangled Banner was pre-recorded. Only sometimes I can tell when singers miming, but some people can, and they had speculation about Beyonce lip-syncing. hmm... I know dancing while singing is quite tiring and you might be catching your breath, but that's live. That's the real performance. Singers don't need to cheat seeking perfection, I think..