Why then why?

I don't see the point of everything. They all knew that I wasn't suitable and pretended to be welcoming?

It's very cruel to tell me that now when it's too late. OK if you say what you are supposed to say, I should take the advantage of it.

Indeed it was my decision but the available information was very limited at that time. I didn't know what it's like..
Did I make a bad decision? It's too hard to ask and it's already so complicated to get it right. But I must try. I must go back to the right track as soon as possible.